CONFESSIONAL POEM [PART I / for alp]

CONFESSIONAL POEM

[PART I]

[for alp]

strangely i once thought you a strange thing-

it was hard to say if you would take this page

and rip it and my thoughts of futures uncertain

or take it to your lips and breasts

our words appeared on screens, left alone

for us and the entire world to see

(i knew not what i was doing

but you knew what you were grasping the whole time)

i did not lie to you when i told you

that i don't like to walk alone

but of course i had other things to say that only

the sounds of my feet on the concrete could say

it's odd, the ways in which we try to impress-

"i want to tell you about this building"

"you know when this thing arrived here"

it's all some sad cry of "please love me"

and when the darkness became too much

you showed me your house and i was unsure

of what to do with you

so you just grabbed me and told me with your arms

still, our words appeared on screens, left alone

for us and the entire world to see

(i thought i knew what i was doing

and so did the rest of the world who read my words)

in that basement we made eyes at our coffee

and we made words with our awkward

i thought about your hand on the table

and i thought about mine grasping only my cup

i don't know how to talk to people

because i spent to many years talking to myself

and i told you to tell me to shut up

but you just sat and sipped and listened

hours went by, not seemingly hours

but hours that make one think that death comes

much much sooner than expected

the basement was drab, but i didn't want to go

i coaxed you with dinner:

stale bread and sold cheese

and although my sandwich looked divine

i resisted the urge to tear into it

then we went and skipped across bricks

and rambled on and on and on and on

so much so that i remember a man looking at us

and a lady smiling at our sight

we sat and heard their words, half of which

were made things in my brain

the other half were yours and yours alone

although history says that they are mine

i tried to place something to you

an arm a hand a thigh a something

but the best i could do was pretend as if

it was all an accident

when i got up to leave,

i didn't want to

but i grabbed your shoulder

as if i was never going to see you again

on my way out of the door

i tried to glance in the window

to see if i could see you

but the bench on which i stood was too short

that walk was so lonely

those three hours were so lonely

i kept glancing glancing glancing

at the clock and my phone, for you

now our words appeared on our own screens, left for us

you and i alone to see

(i maybe knew what i was doing

and maybe you knew what i was doing)