Camilla

it's all in the "A"

you
not mine
physically

though somehow
i wish
that i was the one
pushing
behind those soft hips
into which i fell

last night:
i remembered that name
not crossed out among the others
when i was supposed to be writing
about Dryden

that list of names
from Mother Rome
(i'm hellbent on making you
Puellam Romani)

"F is such a hard letter"
"that has too many L's"
"remember: it has to pass as Spanish"

we scrolled down waiting
for something
to strike us

"what does that one mean?"
"of the sea"
"no, i hate the beach"

finally one struck me
and i struck you with my lips

"Camilla:
means 'alter server'"

"it's pretty."

"i love it"

we were in bliss
thinking that something in your belly
someday
would be named "Camilla"

we will think of a middle name later.

later.

after lying, possibly making
something
we lied in bed thinking again

"Camilla"
"Camilla"

lying in my rumpled bed

the heat staggering upon

our melded skin

we nearly slept

then i remembered
that name you told me
so long ago

i remembered the horror that i imagined
you alone on the tile floor

bending over and over

until it was over

until she was over

i remembered that night

blanketed in tears and deep breathing

that name you pressed upon her

as you felt her swimming

i though of that

mentally writhing myself

onto you

isn't it the same?

isn't it all just the same

only a little more south

and more temperate?

you said the first was not the same

as the inbetween

so no

to The Former:

let this not steal

your ghostly thunder

to Camilla:

it's all in the A